Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Hope and lots of prayers....


I always know with-in just a few days of conception that I'm pregnant. It hits me like a ton of bricks...the extreme fatigue, sore boobs, and over all bloating. I don't know why my symptoms come on so strong or with such intensity, they just do. The first trimester is difficult right from the start. I feel beaten up and just plain icky! Icky...There's a good mom term for you.

The reason I know this so well, is that I have been pregnant now 6 times, 4 of which have been this year. Of the 32 weeks so far in 2010, I've been pregnant for 21 of them. You can probably guess how I'm feeling so far about good old year 2010. Life has been hormonal, emotional and tiring. All these pregnancies have taken a visible tole on my body, and a not so visible tole on my heart.

I've had every test done. I've been pocked and prodded and everything seems to be on the up and up. I've been given a clean bill of health and told that I should be able to conceive and carry a healthy baby to term. The bottom line is...I'm old...and my eggs are old too. My Doctor assures me that I have plenty of good one's left, I just need to find one. I joke a little, because what else can you do? Life has all kinds of challenges and this just happens to be one of mine.

I'm now about 5 weeks into my 6th pregnancy, with hope and lots of prayers that this one has a happy ending. This isn't an announcement. It's so early in the pregnancy that anything could still happen. When I reach the "safe" point of this pregnancy, I'll make a formal announcement and tell you all about it. If a formal announcement doesn't come in let's say...9 weeks or so then you'll know...we're back at square one.

I'm only sharing this with all of you because I feel like it's good for me, and maybe there's a few of you out there that can relate. I know there are many women who struggle with fertility. We all have our own unique issues and they all come with their own unique kind of pain. It can often seem unfair when we are denied or given challenges surrounding the things we want the most in life. But I've learned through my challenges that feeling sorry for myself and mopping around is only a waste of time...time we never get back. I'm determined not to let this obstacle in life ruin or take away from the time I have with the beautiful little blessing I've already been given. It would feel selfish of me to not recognize all that I have...my life is good.

I'm just hoping you'll cut me some slack when I'm late here and there and miss a post from time to time. I'm still here, I'm not going anywhere...just a little slower than normal these days.

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14 comments:

Sarah said...

Congratulations and good luck. Pregnancy gives us our best and worst. I hope you have more "best" this time!

Tanis said...

I love reading your blog and have tried many of your delicious recipes. Thanks for sharing a bit of your struggles. Sometimes we don't see the human side to people we read about. wishing you all the best this time - I know what that heart ache is like.

Brooke said...

Praying for you, Mindi! So sorry you have to deal with this. I dealt with infertility but didn't have any miscarriages. I don't think I would have handled that well... You are a champ. Thanks for all your hard work on our behalf! :)

Kim said...

I'm not normally one to make comments, but I thought you would like to know there really are people who can relate. I've gone through two miscarriages. And they were heartbreaking, and painful. And I hated every minute of it. But I just want you to know that when the time is right, and that baby finally does come, you will be ever so much more grateful for it! It may even come as a surprise to you - at least, it did to me. I'd become a little skeptical by that point. But when it finally worked out, I was able to look back on those challenges and see them for the many blessings they provided.

I wish you the best of luck! And I hope it helps to know you're not alone.

pam said...

Oh my goodness, Mindi. I am SO praying for you, girl. I'm sorry I didn't know you had been pregnant 5 times before this. I am praying it will all work out this time and that you'll have another little miracle to love. I LOVE YOU!

katielayne said...

I really admire you! You are a great example for all of us mothers. Good thoughts and prayers are coming your way!!!!

Love-Katie

Barbara Bakes said...

As someone who struggled with infertility and miscarriages I can definitely empathize. It's very brave of you to share you story. God bless!

Chellese said...

Do you get sick of hearing me say that I admire you? I hope not. You are brave and bold when you might otherwise shrink. I will pray for you too.

Kalyn said...

Sending good wishes and hoping all will go well this time.

Meggs said...

You are one great mom and are in our prayers. One of the most beautiful women I know. Thanks for your example.

Audrey said...

Oh Mindi, I am so sorry you have been going through this struggle. I had no idea. I hope everything goes well with this one and we will keep you in our prayers. Love you and your family.

Adam & Cindy said...

Mindi, Been thinking about you and how the whole pregnancy thing has been going for you. I hope all goes well with this one! Please keep us posted and if you need anything, I'm here for ya!!

Jill Bowcutt said...

There is some serious power in numbers. Thanks for sharing this with us so we can all pray for you. You should never have to endure this stuff alone!

Whitney said...

I think you are amazing and a really great example.

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